Soapbox Jargon

It's not that women dislike the good guy... Image is everything. "The Good Guy" isn't attached to as many "cool" things as bad guy are...

Not Interested? Don't Give him Your Number!

My phone would ring, I'd pick it up and there is this nervous sounding guy on the other end. "Wrong Number," he says before hanging up. My phone would ring again. He is calling back, thinking that maybe he dialed the wrong digit. I pick up the phone again, this time with a little more attitude, and he hangs up.

I shake my head because I know that some young lady gave him a phone number that wasn't her own. I've been there; calling a woman I just met only to be asked, "Pick up or delivery?"

My question to women that commit this unspoken social crime is, "If you're not interested, why give out false hope?"

I understand, there is outdated social code that women play hard to get. This code causes for men to become aggressive in gaining a woman's time, in this case, phone number.

The dating game has changed on many levels. These days you'll find that women are more of "Go Getters" when it comes to getting what she wants. If she is interested, as a man or a woman, you'll know.

But what I find to be an issue is when bullying comes into play. Ladies, if you are not interested in the person that's pursuing you, get out of dodge. Let this person know that you are not interested and move forward. You can't allow yourself to be bullied into giving out your phone number. If he'd bully you for your number, why would he stop there? He'll press you for money and sex, and just so he'd leave you alone, you'd give in.

This isn't the way to go through life. Now let's say that you give him your real number but choose to not answer your phone. Now he is calling you every hour, texting you day after day. And all you can say is, "why doesn't he just get the picture and stop calling?" He won't! He didn't give up to get your number, why give up now? So do YOU get the picture?

You shouldn't reward a person that you're not interested in with your phone number. You will get what you gave in to.

How Social Networking could Ruin your Relationship

These days, there are so many ways to meet new people. We can thank the advancing of technology over the past 10 years for that. People are meeting through Facebook, Digg, Twitter, by commenting to the same breaking news, Ustream, dating sites, and that's just the digital ways. I still believe that there is no better way to meet someone than in person. What can I say, I just love certain traditions.

What I've noticed lately is how people are utilizing every possible medium to communicate, at ONCE. Sites like Twitter can do as much harm as good. All tweets are saved, even if they are deleted. People would complain about their friend not picking up the phone, yet, this friend is currently tweeting... an argument just waiting to happen.

Are you in a relationship affected by too many communication mediums? Here is how to find out. ok, so you have two mediums open, in-person and over-the-phone. Wait, you also text message, so that's 3 mediums. Now let's say you've met on Facebook; that's 4. If you are talking with a mutual friend on Facebook through 'posting replies', that's 5. Why, because if your significant other reads this conversation, they are now a part of it. You could add 2 more mediums if you follow each other on Twitter. Now you are up to 9 mediums of communication. That is just out of control.

The problem is that all day, you haven't had one conversation that was separated from your relationship. I am not making this point to say that either person has something to hide. What I am saying is that too many lines of communication can weigh down a relationship, even a friendship. Think about it... you just talked to your girlfriend on the phone, she posts a random update on Facebook, and now you're the first person replying to it. Frustration isn't the word if you find yourself not being about to escape someone.

Here are some tips to knock off a few mediums. I am a strong believer in laying down ground rules. I find that Facebook is best used for family and friends, while Twitter is best used for networking. So if you have a friend that uses software like TweetDeck or Social Scope to post to both Twitter and Facebook, choose which one you want to stay connected on. In relationships, keep your mediums below 5 and do so from the start. If you meet on Twitter (2), exchange phone numbers (3), this should be your limit (5). If you choose to be connected on Facebook, end your connection on Twitter. Any connection works best with space. Too much of even a good thing, could result in a relationship threatening disease. So imagine what too many communicative mediums could do to a relationship.

In closing, if you think adding these tips to your life could cause for dramatic expression, you are NOT in the mature relationship you thought you were in.

I would love to know your thoughts on this issue... I appreciate constructive criticism and Re-Tweets...

The Top 5 Things Your Man Should Do for You on Valentine’s Day

The holiday of “love” is sneaking it’s “he went to Jared’s” eyes around the corner. Valentine’s Day 2010 is coming, and depending on the status of your relationship, it could possibly be called Armageddon 2010 if your boyfriend or even husband doesn’t get his act together.

A ‘holiday’ like this could be tricky. Think about it. Remember when you were young, like elementary school young, and on Valentine’s Day, you had to bring cards to school to give out. There were cookies and cupcakes and all that. What do you think us little boys were thinking about? It surely wasn’t the cards. We wanted the sweets, while the little girls wanted the cards, and yes, some sweets as well. So even back when, guys weren’t all that enthused about this day.

As we got older, Valentine’s Day gifts evolved from cartoon cards to helium balloons, chocolates, flowers, dinners and such. The man’s perspective on the day didn’t evolve though. Valentine’s Day isn’t our (man) day; it is yours (woman). And further more, if a man isn’t in a relationship at that time, February 14 is just one day closer to President’s Day.

So ladies, here’s some advice before I get to the Top 5. First, if Valentine’s Day is important to you, you should share this information within the 1^st five conversations you have with your potential boyfriend (or girlfriend). Realize that Valentine’s Day is what he makes of it for you, not what your best friend received from her boyfriend, etc. Valentine’s Day isn’t mandatory five star dinners with a horse driven carriages, or two dozens of red roses with a 3-day Miami weekend. If your day ends with being one colorful rose with an, “I Care about You,” that is a profound memory, the sentimental moment for which to build a relationship upon. So in other words, release Valentine’s Day of its pressures and find beauty in YOUR moment. SIDE NOTE: If you are dating, his responsibilities to you are less, if any. The dating process is opened to multiple opportunities on both sides. Valentine’s Day is not your birthday.

So here is the Top 5. Remember to blog with your friends, family and your special someones… I don’t mind speaking for you.

5. He should “Remember” the importance of this day to you.

4. He should “Give You His Time”.

3. He should “Put in the Effort”.

2. He should “Be Open to your wants and needs”.

1. He should “Make Your Heart Sing”.  

Oh, before I forget, for us men, not receiving a gift on Valentine’s Day is fine by us. That doesn’t mean we will not accept cupcakes.

The Race to Nowhere: Relationship Reform #2

What's funny is that most of us frequent sites like Facebook and Twitter every moment of everyday and have no problem with sharing our status. People will tell you where they are, who they are with and whether they'll be throwing a cookout on Saturday or not.

On the other hand, if you ask that same person about their relationship status, their answer is complex, complicated to say the least. It's obvious that no one has sat down with them to talk about what each status to a relationship is all about. So here is a blueprint that I have come up with for you to share. Leave your thoughts afterward.

• When you’re ‘Single’, you have no obligations to anyone. You are able to talk or go out with whomever, whenever you please. You’re availability is limitless and fun is just a party away.
• When you’re ‘Dating’, you have no obligations to anyone. You’re testing the waters, going out with different prospects, feeling out your connection with that person(s). Your availability isn’t as limitless but you’re in the game.
• When you’re ‘Involved’, you now have an obligation (exclusive). Your connection has grown to an exclusive level. Your availability is now limited to ONE person. At this stage, indulging yourself in others is labeled as cheating.
• When you’re ‘Married’, your religion and/or the law binds your love. You’re with the person that you will spend the rest of your life with (hopefully). Marriage is a total commitment. At this stage, indulging yourself in others is labeled as infidelity/adultery.