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Monday, November 30, 2009

The Race to Nowhere: Stick With What Got You There

Ladies, have you ever come to a point in a relationship where you felt that you didn’t want for your connection to be all about sex? I’m sure that most of you have. You feel like once you popped the top on sexual encounters, that each time you get together, sex must take place. And in your mind, it doesn’t matter if you initiated it or not, it’s just the point that now it happens every time, any place.

Getting down to it, to feel that you don’t want for your relationship to be all about sex means that you may have had sex too early in your connection. You feel like you don’t talk or snuggle and kiss as much as you once have. You think about the times when you could kiss your significant other for hours on end and nothing sexual would come of it. Now that you’ve had sex, a kiss that lasts only minutes leads to clothing pealing off.

Now this is where the environment changes. You are disappointed in confused by what you have. You begin to wonder if your significant other is only with you for sex. You want more than that and feel like you only have so many options. I’ll lead with the two options that normally lead to failure.

1. Dodging any and all encounters that could possibly lead to sex. Remember how those kisses once lasted for 20 minutes? Well now, you deliberately cut down the time on the kiss, by pulling away after a short time. Or you simply choose to cut down your time together, altogether; only for a short period of time, you think, but now, you are risking your connection.
2. You begin to deny sex for as long as you feel as you need to, even if you want it just as bad. Suddenly, you start to match up your dates with when you are on your cycle, because this when you feel safest about sex not happening.

Now here is the million dollar question: If your significant other cheats on you during while you are holding off on sex, was your connection all about sex? Let me explain this… ok, so your man cheated on you and now you are angry; you are screaming at him, telling him that all he wanted was sex from you. Depending on the man, you might be right. But what if you’re not? What if you had a man that was dedicated to you and did all he could to stay faithful; however, it was your lack of giving him the emotional and physical connection that he has grown accustomed to, that led him down this road.

Ladies, if you do not want for your relationship to be all about sex, hold off on having sex altogether (no sex to begin with) until you feel that you have the connection you desire out of your significant other. Yes, there are times in sexually active relationships when being sexual isn’t priority like in sickness, after birth, etc. A man that goes elsewhere under these circumstances is heartless for doing so.

However, if you are deliberately denying him sex for long periods of time, you are the one in the wrong. Remember, loyalty doesn’t go in one direction. Don’t believe that your deliberate actions in denying him sex should prove him to being loyal to you, when you are NOT being loyal to him and his needs.

The best way to get through this is conversation. There must be an understanding in place to ensure that you both understand the importance of your overall connection. In all fairness and truth, sex can’t be demoted once it becomes a factor.

So what are you thoughts on these views?

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