How to Prevent Toxic Relationships (Toxic Relationship Week)

Every day, a heart breaks... it is crushed voluntarily and this is what tears me apart. Relationships and friendships alike, are math to me. And when I hear of two people, really being one person taking on the entire sunken ship, I can't add it up. I'm very patient when listening to someone vent about their toxic relations. But my blood begins to boil when I hear about a struggle that could've been prevented.

Toxic Relationships are very selfish on one side; often you'll find that you have a toxic character and a kind-hearted character. These are the relationships that you never hear one good thing about, yet is still in progress. Toxic does dirt, kind-hearted becomes broken, Toxic asks for forgiveness, kind-hearted gives a second chance for the 20th time.

So I wanted to put together a manual this week on how you could prevent these relationships or simply get out of them. Let's start with prevention. A Toxic Relationship doesn't just up and happen, it is nurtured from the very start. Here are some signs that your new connection could become a Toxic one:

• One person manipulates the other by using certain social checkpoints like sex, the meeting of family members (parents), or wanting to get close with your children as soon as possible. Yes, the toxic will find ways to get close to your heart without doing any work. For example, if your children likes Toxic, and you love your children, Toxic makes a breakthrough on your heart, by association.
• Suddenly, you're not doing the things you loved to do before meeting this person. Your toxic partner finds small ways to stand in the way of you hanging with people, whether by making you late enough to miss an event, faking sickness or offering you sex last-minute in hopes that you'd stay afterwards. This could be the same person that tries to put him or herself between you and your career.
• This person does everything in their power for you to feel sorry for him or her. Sob story after childish sob story, the trick is to have you believe that they need a hero, and you're it. But you can't save a person that doesn't want to be save (and this is where most toxic relationships thrive). You are practically saving a cat from the same tree, every day; and it is your kind-hearted nature that puts you in that tree without a hitch.

As I've said, Toxic Relationships are nurtured from the very beginning. And you would be surprised how often people fall for this toxic behavior. I ask that you share this information with the people you care about. Especially the people in your life in need of this unique information. 

What Did I Do Now?! Nothing! So chill...

We make things so difficult sometimes. It's not even like we walked out of the frying pan into the fire. These days, we can walk off the beach into an ice storm of misdirected yammer. A colleague of mine reached out to me. He found himself under fire by his lady friend for no reason at all. Been there, lived that.  One moment, you're all smiles, the next moment, you're being screamed on for no apparent reason. Well there was a reason, a very small one.

You're dealing with a walking, talking emotional time bomb. Except, that this time bomb is far too afraid to explode on the person that deserves it. So they find a comfortable target to annihilate. A major issue in all of this is when this misdirected explosion of emotions, suddenly causes an argument that never should've happened. These are the senseless arguments that somehow rips shreds into friendships and relationships. These are the senseless arguments that no one person ever won.

My advice was to diffuse all drama by simply saying, "When you're ready to talk about what's really happening, I'm here for you." If after making this statement you are still being yelled on for using the blue coaster instead of the green one, walk away. Allow for some time to go by. Also, by not fanning the flames, you are letting this person know that you won't be their voluntary punching bag whenever they're angry.

We must be considerate of others. When you are going through it, get through it. But not by yelling on the one person that supports you just because you know this person won't leave your side. Take a breather and lean on your comfort for a little support. Just don't drag your comfort zone down with all of your issues. Smile with them as well.